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  1. #11
    Fenderfied
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    34. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
    http://www.fendertalk.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic581_3.gif

  2. #12
    Fenderfied
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    ~FIFTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE: ~

    A guitarist dies and is quite pleased to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour.

    "This is Stevie Ray's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Stevie Ray!"

    "And this is Jimi's room..." and the guitarist is totally over the moon.

    Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Yngwie here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he went... the "other" way..."

    The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He is woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing a really fast harmonic minor lick - and it sounds just like Yngwie. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room is playing really fast neo-classical shreds through what sounds very much like a vintage Strat.

    The guitarist is confused as it sounds so much like Yngwie. The next day he tells Peter that he is almost certain that Yngwie's in the next room.

    Peter pulls him to one side, and whispers into his ear, "Shhh.... don't tell anyone. That's God. He thinks he's Yngwie Malmsteen"



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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  3. #13
    Fenderfied
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    ~Why Guitars are better than Men: ~
    Guitars don't snore.

    Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.

    Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.

    Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.

    You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.

    Guitars don't have to prove anything.

    Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.

    Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.

    Guitars don't have egos.

    You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.

    Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.

    Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash
    on its fretboard.
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  4. #14
    Fenderfied
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    Sep 2000
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    Whahahahahahaha

  5. #15
    Super Moderator
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    How can you tell when you've got your stage level?



    When the drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.
    "Life's too short not to enjoy great tone."

    Some contend that rock 'n roll is bad for the body & bad for the soul
    Bad for the heart, bad for the mind, bad for the deaf & bad for the blind.
    It makes some men crazy and they talk like fools.
    Makes some men crazy and they start to drool.

  6. #16
    Super Moderator
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    How do you get a bass player off your front porch?



    Pay him for the pizza.
    "Life's too short not to enjoy great tone."

    Some contend that rock 'n roll is bad for the body & bad for the soul
    Bad for the heart, bad for the mind, bad for the deaf & bad for the blind.
    It makes some men crazy and they talk like fools.
    Makes some men crazy and they start to drool.

  7. #17
    Fenderfied
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    What do you call 500 banjos at the bottom of the ocean?











    A good start.

  8. #18
    Super Moderator
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    How do you get a guitar player to turn down?






    Put a chart in front of him.
    "Life's too short not to enjoy great tone."

    Some contend that rock 'n roll is bad for the body & bad for the soul
    Bad for the heart, bad for the mind, bad for the deaf & bad for the blind.
    It makes some men crazy and they talk like fools.
    Makes some men crazy and they start to drool.

  9. #19
    Fenderfied
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    Feb 2003
    Location
    Overland Park, Kansas
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    Why is a drummer's IQ 5 points higher than a horse?



    So he won't crap in the street when he's marching.
    Yer guitar pickin' friend,
    Herb
    "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing, 'n stuff!"



  10. #20
    Super Moderator
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    How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?







    Actually, only one. But the whole world has to revolve around them.
    "Life's too short not to enjoy great tone."

    Some contend that rock 'n roll is bad for the body & bad for the soul
    Bad for the heart, bad for the mind, bad for the deaf & bad for the blind.
    It makes some men crazy and they talk like fools.
    Makes some men crazy and they start to drool.

 

 

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